


KNICKERS

by rubyelf



Category: Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-14
Updated: 2012-08-14
Packaged: 2017-11-23 23:49:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/627891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rubyelf/pseuds/rubyelf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A pair of ladies' undergarments causes a disturbance among the Fellowship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	KNICKERS

TITLE: KNICKERS  
AUTHOR: [](http://rubyelf.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://rubyelf.livejournal.com/)**rubyelf**  
RATING: implied smut and possible cross-dressing  
WARNINGS: umm... if you have a phobia of ladies' knickers, best not to read.   
WORD COUNT: about 650 words   
DISCLAIMER: The author is not responsible for the ridiculous things we do with his characters. 

 

Hope you enjoy. 

 

 

“They’ve got to belong to one of the hobbits,” Legolas said, gingerly poking the frilly item which his sharp eyes had spotted at the edge of the campsite as the others were waking.

Pippin sauntered over and looked down at the item. “Psh. No self-respecting hobbit would be caught wearing those.”

“What are they?” Merry called; he had still not managed to make it out from the comfort of his bedroll, and had decided to let Pippin do the investigating for him.

“They appear to be…” Legolas carefully prodded them with his sword again, as if they might attack him; “some sort of ladies’ undergarment…”

“What?” Merry called.

“They’re knickers!” Pippin called back.

Merry’s head emerged from the bedroll. “Knickers? In the middle of nowhere like this?”

Gimli, polishing his axe, glanced at Legolas suspiciously. “Wouldn’t surprise me if elves wore ladies’ knickers.”

“They certainly do _not_ ,” Aragorn said sharply.

“Maybe some of them do,” Merry said, sounding a bit hopeful.

“I’m quite sure they don’t,” Aragorn said, turning slightly red.

“What makes you so sure?” Pippin demanded.

“Because elves don’t wear _any_ knickers,” Legolas said, carefully lifting the offending item up on the point of his sword. “Ladies’ or otherwise.”

Pippin glanced at Merry. “You mean they don’t wear underthings?”

“Doesn’t surprise me a bit,” Gimli muttered, as Aragorn turned even redder and stepped to the other side of the campsite, where Boromir was watching the proceedings with amusement.

“You were supposed to pick those up last night!” he hissed.

Boromir grinned. “I thought you had them.”

Legolas looked up, alarmed, waving the knickers like a flag on the end of his sword. “Estel, were you _wearing_ these?”

“No!” Aragorn protested.

Pippin looked up at Boromir’s sturdy frame. “Well, I doubt you were… I don’t think they make those in your size.”

“No one was wearing them!” Aragorn insisted.

“Then what were you doing with them?” Merry asked.

“They… we just… it’s just…”

“They’re nice and smooth,” Boromir noted cheerfully. “Just the thing for tidying up certain sensitive bits after a bit of personal recreation.”

“What?” Pippin asked, frowning in puzzlement.

“It’s for cleaning up their mess after they’ve been… you know.”

“Oh!” Pippin exclaimed, nodding as if this made perfect sense now.

“Augh!” Legolas shouted, flinging the item from the end of his sword into the nearby trees. “What! Ugh! That was… ahh!”

He turned on his heels and stormed off in the opposite direction, muttering about there not being anything on Arda to get his sword clean after that. Gimli, having lit his pipe, took a long draw and watched him go, then exhaled smoke and gestured at Aragorn and Boromir.

“Just so you know, lads… I’m fairly sure they _do_ make those in your size.”

Boromir laughed. Aragorn scowled.

“You’d look fine in knickers!” Pippin said excitedly. “I’m sure Gimli’s right… there are some _very_ large ladies in Bree…”

“I am not discussing this,” Aragorn said, and walked away, arms crossed.

“What’s he so angry about?” Merry asked.

Boromir grinned and winked at the hobbit. “We tried ‘em on him last night… and they _do_ fit.”

“Ooooh,” Pippin said thoughtfully.

“You’re not putting knickers on me,” Merry said sharply.

Pippin raised his eyebrows.

“And I’m not putting them on you, either,” Merry said.

“You’re no fun.”

“You’re all horrid creatures!” Legolas called, from where he was sulking among the trees.

“At least we’re wearing underthings, like civilized people,” Pippin said, crossing his arms.

“I could make it so you weren’t wearing them,” Merry suggested.

Gimli growled and waved his pipe. “Off with you. It’s too early to listen to that sort of thing. Bad enough to wake up to the elf making a fuss. Go play somewhere else.”

Boromir laughed and walked off toward the trees, looking around at where Legolas had tossed his discovery.

“Where are you going?” Gimli asked.

“No reason to waste a good pair of knickers, now, is there?”

  


 


End file.
